Do you actually control what you want, or do your desires control you?
After spending a month desperately wanting something that seemed just out of reach, I had a revelation that changed everything: I always get what I want. But then the real question hit me—why did I want it in the first place? When I tried to stop wanting it, the desire only intensified. When I examined where the want originated, I realized something unsettling: I have no control over my desires. They arise in me, not from me. And if I can't even control what I want, what does that say about free will?
👉 Watch the full episode: What Is Feeding On Your Desires?
The Illusion of Control Over Our Wants
Think about addiction for a moment. Someone says "I'm going to quit smoking" and genuinely means it. Then they wake up the next morning with an overwhelming need for a cigarette. If they were truly in control, they'd simply stop. The fact that they can't reveals something profound: we're driven by compulsions far more than we realize.
The same principle applies to all desires. You wake up wanting something—a job, a relationship, a specific outcome—and assume that want came from you. But examine it closely: where did that desire originate? You can trace it back through life experiences, social conditioning, genetic predispositions, cultural programming—none of which you chose.
If you can't control the arising of desire, and you can't easily eliminate it once it appears, then you're not really in control of your wants. You're being driven by them.
Desire and Outcome: Two Ends of the Same Magnet
Here's what I've discovered through careful observation of my own life: desire and outcome are magnetically linked. When you want something—truly want it, not just prefer it—you already have access to the experience of it. The challenge isn't getting what you want; it's enduring the space between desire and fulfillment.
All of time is happening right now (Einstein's relativity confirms this). Multiple reality experiences exist simultaneously. When you have an intense desire for something, you're connecting to a timeline where you already possess it. The "noise" between wanting and having is just the illusion of linear time.
But here's where it gets interesting: something seems to feed on the suffering that occurs in that gap between desire and outcome.
The Energetic Parasites in the System
Why do we assume nothing feeds on us when we clearly feed on everything else? We consume plants, animals, even allow our bodies to consume themselves during fasting. Everything in this reality is built on consumption—so why would we be exempt from being consumed?
I believe there are energetic parasites that harvest the negative emotions generated when we fear we won't get what we want. Think about the psychological programming we receive from birth: want something → panic when you don't get it immediately → generate fear, anxiety, desperation → repeat cycle endlessly.
This creates a farm of emotional energy. Between every desire and its inevitable fulfillment, we're programmed to produce anxiety, fear, grasping, and suffering. Something benefits from that emotional turbulence, just like we benefit from the flesh of animals we consume.
Why the Suffering Is Unnecessary
Consider this scenario: my partner needed pants for his daughter's wedding. The dry cleaner lost his suit pants. He panicked, stressed, elevated his blood pressure, and made himself miserable. I told him: "Go to the store where you bought the suit and get another pair."
When we arrived in San Diego, he walked into the store and found the exact suit in his exact size—the last one on the rack, waiting for him. All the emotional reactivity was completely unnecessary. He was always going to get what he needed.
This pattern repeats constantly. You want something, you get it, but not before going through unnecessary suffering in between. The panic serves no practical purpose except to generate the very energy that something invisible appears to feed on.
Time as an Illusion and the Patience of Gods
We measure time by the movement of lights in the sky—sun up, sun down, moon cycles. Remove those arbitrary markers and what is a "day" or a "year"? They're constructs based on repetitive celestial patterns that have nothing to do with human experience.
When you want something and it "takes too long," you're measuring against an illusion. "It's been three days!" "It's been a week!" "It's been a year!" These measurements are based on how many times the sun appeared to rise and set. What does that have to do with your desire manifesting?
Better time frames: "I want this in my lifetime" or "while I'm young enough to enjoy it." These relate to your actual experience rather than arbitrary astronomical cycles.
There's an expression: "Man makes plans and God laughs." But I say: "Gods make plans and the Fates laugh." Even gods were subject to higher powers in mythology—the three Fates who controlled the threads of life and death for everyone, including deities.
The Trap of Idealization
Here's what we do wrong: we idealize what we want. We imagine that getting the thing will create perfect happiness. But this isn't a perfect reality—it's a world where everything comes with built-in flaws and imperfections.
I wanted the perfect flat in London and eventually got it—waterfront view, boats, romantic setting, everything I'd dreamed of. Then the apartment flooded three times, the boiler broke repeatedly, there was no hot water, and the landlady refused to fix anything properly.
You'll get what you want, but it will come with problems because that's how this reality works. Instead of chasing the idealized version, train yourself to expect the flawed version. Hold in your mind that you already have the thing you want—and it's already annoying you a little bit.
This neutralizes the desperate energy that actually repels what you desire.
The Practice of Realistic Manifestation
When you want something intensely, try this exercise: imagine you already have it, complete with all the problems that would realistically come with it. Want that job? Picture yourself already working there, dealing with annoying coworkers and workplace frustrations. Want that relationship? Imagine the person you're obsessing over already getting on your nerves in the small ways that happen in every relationship.
This isn't pessimism—it's realism. Everything in this reality comes with imperfections. When you accept this beforehand, the desperate grasping energy dissolves, and what you want comes more easily.
Remember: this reality rewards those who understand its rules. The more desperately you want something, the more it seems to push away. Neutrality and acceptance bring things toward you faster than desperate desire.
Free Will as the Ultimate Illusion
None of us are truly in control here. Your desires aren't yours—they're imposed on you by genetics, conditioning, life experiences, and forces beyond your awareness. Even dictators who seem to control masses aren't operating from free will—their drive for power was programmed into them by circumstances they didn't choose.
This isn't depressing; it's liberating. You don't have to torture yourself over wanting things or not getting them fast enough. The want wasn't your choice, and the outcome is already determined. Your job is simply to do the work and wait for the inevitable result.
The suffering between desire and outcome is optional. It's generated by the illusion that you need to fight for what you want, when in reality, you're going to get it anyway.
Stop feeding the parasites. Want what you want, expect the flawed version, and trust that the outcome is already yours.
👉 Watch the full episode: What Is Feeding On Your Desires?
Quick Questions
Q: How can desires be controlled if they feel so personal and urgent? A: Examine where any desire originates—you'll find it stems from experiences, conditioning, and circumstances you didn't choose. The urgency is programmed to generate emotional energy that something appears to harvest.
Q: What evidence exists that something feeds on human emotional energy? A: Just as we consume other life forms for energy, it's logical that something consumes us. The unnecessary suffering between desire and outcome serves no practical purpose except to generate negative emotional states.
Q: Why does wanting something desperately seem to push it away? A: This reality appears designed like a Chinese finger trap—the more you struggle and grasp, the more resistance you create. Neutrality and acceptance reduce resistance and allow natural flow.
Q: How can I stop suffering while waiting for what I want? A: Remember that you always get what you truly want (because the desire wasn't your choice to begin with), expect the outcome to be flawed rather than perfect, and focus on doing the work rather than measuring arbitrary time.
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